I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
