So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Randomize
