I'm laying in your front yard are you home
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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