I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
