I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
