last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
