fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
