I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
