I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
