Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
