2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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