smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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