you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
