I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
