The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
