i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
