i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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