What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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