So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
