K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
