There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
