Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
