Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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