You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
