I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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