help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
