Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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