I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
