Sry I called you an 8
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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