I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
