What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
