my soul wont recognize me after tonight
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
