wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
