i think i have two assholes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
