the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
