based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
