Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
