What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
