I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
