i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Randomize
