So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My ass is underappreciated
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
