Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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