I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The best revenge is premature balding
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
