He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
