Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
