Just invented taco cereal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
