I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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