can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
