The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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