She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
