Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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