1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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