i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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