i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
