When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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